Safe Haven
by morning sunlight
Summary: Dean knew it was his choice to leave after that last fight with John, but he never expected his father to take Sam and move on without him. Not knowing where to turn after life on alone proves too much, he turns to the only safe haven he can, Pastor Jim.
1. Missing

**SAFE HAVEN**

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Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended._

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_**Part One – Missing**_

Sam Winchester is sitting at the table surrounded by books, in his element, but his game is off. The words aren't flowing like they usually do. He throws his pen down and stands up. He stretches and rolls his shoulders, like his older brother does. He paces from one end of the room to the other and back again. He flops down on his bed.

It's twenty past four and he's been home from school for twenty minutes and he's climbing the walls already. He hasn't spoken to anyone all day; well okay, he's _spoken _to people, he just hasn't _talked_ to anyone. He sits up and then kneels down beside the bed, pulling a bag out from underneath. He unzips it and lets his fingers run through the contents. He swallows harshly and dashes tears from his eyes, re-zipping Dean's bag and shoving it back under his bed. If Dad sees him with it, he'll be pissed. If Dad sees him crying, he'll be pissed. In fact, just for good measure, Dad will probably be pissed anyway, just to be sure he's got all the bases covered on pissiness. As far as Sam is concerned Dad's the expert on that score.

But then he figures why worry, Dad's not here and he's not due back until the day after tomorrow. Dad's not here and nor is Dean and what's worse is only one of them has said he's coming back and as far as Sam is concerned, right now, it's the wrong one.

Sam looks up as the phone rings. Once, twice, then stops. He stands and moves over to it, ready to answer. He picks it up on the first ring. "Yeah?" he puts the full weight of his teenage angst into the word.

"Sammy?"

"Pastor Jim," he sighs. "Yeah, it's me. Dad's not here though."

"That's alright. I called to speak to you."

"Me? Why?"

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah . . . I am almost fourteen, you know, not a baby."

The Pastor laughs at the indignation. "I know son, I know. I just wanted to see how things were, if you needed anything."

"No, I'm good. Dad stocked up on food before he left and he's left me money and . . . and . . ."

"Yes lad."

"I've still got the money Dean gave me," Sam admits softly.

"Well you keep hanging onto that. I'm sure he'll be glad if you can give it back to him next time you see him."

"I don't think so."

"Why not? Do you intend investing it for your future?" the Pastor teases.

"He's not coming back, is he?"

"Sure he is, Sammy. He just needs some time."

"He doesn't know where we are, Dad's moved us since he went and _he_ says we're only here until the end of the month and then we're going to move again. He's never going to be able to find us and he's missing classes and he needs to get good grades and . . . and . . . I miss him, Pastor Jim," Sam doesn't even attempt to hide the desolation and loneliness he's feeling right now. The one constant in his life has always been his older brother, at home and at school, Dean has always been the one to run interference and make sure that Sam's okay and Sam feels completely lost without him there.

"I know, Sam. I'm certain he's missing you too and trust me, when he's ready he'll be able to find you. He'll call me or Bobby or Caleb, won't he? Then he'll be back with you in a flash."

"Dad told him to go and not come back." Sam's current resentment of his father can be heard in every bitter word.

"Yeah, well he knows your Dad didn't mean it, trust me on that. I've known him a long time." Sam can recognize the Pastor's attempt to be reassuring and almost wishes that he didn't even try, that he would just tell the truth. As far as Sam can see, his dad is an asshole who meant every word he said when he threw his older brother out and Sam certainly doesn't feel like forgiving him or cutting him any slack at all.

"He wouldn't let him take his bag or anything. I sneaked him his knife though; you know the one he has under his pillow. That's when he gave me the money. What did he think I needed all that money for? Where did he get it? Doesn't he need it while he's gone?"

"Sam, what does Dean tell you about questions?"

"You mean curiosity killing the cat . . ."

"No, the other one . . ."

"Oh you mean the whole _'one question at a time, you gotta give people time to answer',"_ he mimics his brother's lecturing voice.

"That's the one."

"Sorry," he sounds utterly unrepentant, much as he does when his brother lectures him normally. "So what was it supposed to be for?"

"In case you run out while your Dad's away." Jim never ceases to be surprised at just how many of the realities of their life Dean has managed to hide from his younger brother.

"But . . . Dad left money and loads of food."

"I'm pleased to hear it." Jim is thankful for that. It's good to see that at least some things are improving. It's certainly more than John has the decency to do more often than not when his eldest is there.

"So why would Dean give me money then?"

"In case something happened and you needed it. An emergency. That's why he said not to just spend it."

"You'd think he was expecting Dad not to leave me any." The comment is met by silence, Jim has always been adamant about not lying to the boys. At times, he's refused to answer questions, or deflected the boys' attention from what he hasn't wanted to tell them, but he won't lie, and maybe now Sam is old enough that he should be aware of just how much his brother does. Jim can tell exactly when the jolt of realization suddenly runs through Sam. "He wasn't expecting Dad to leave me any, was he?"

"He wanted to be sure you'd be alright."

"Pastor Jim?"

"Yes, Sam."

"Does . . . Normally . . . When . . ."

"What, Sam? What do you want to know?" The Pastor gives the youngest Winchester time to frame the question he needs answered.

"Does Dad give Dean money when he goes away?"

"Usually yes, if he's got some."

"But not enough." Sam's logical enough, aware enough to draw the conclusions from what Jim is telling him. The Pastor knows that, figures in the world the boys have been forced to live in that it's time Dean's burden was shared with his younger brother. Jim may well have preferred that Sam wasn't aware of it, but clearly, Dean's limit has been reached and he's carried the weight alone for far too long. Sam's had a childhood and Jim won't be the first to think that in this respect he's been a darn sight luckier than his brother, however hard it's been at times.

"Not always, no, sometimes he's away longer than he expects. Has he been coming back on time?"

"Yeah. Even came back early from one!" Sam's voice expresses exactly how unusual that is.

"I'm glad to hear it. Your Daddy's trying his best right now."

"That's a matter of opinion." The comment is cynical for such a young mouth.

"Why's that?"

"He's not out looking for Dean, is he? He's not making sure he's safe? He won't even mention his name. You'd think I never had a brother."

"Your Dad's just upset, Sam."

"So you say! I'm upset, I want my brother and he's thrown him out, told him not to come back _ever!_" Sam's voice rises theatrically.

"Sam, that's a bit melodramatic even for you. Dean wouldn't be impressed with that sort of exaggeration now, would he?"

"I'm not exaggerating. That's what he said. He said if Dean couldn't do i_as/i_ he was told i_when/i _he was told, there was no point in him being here and he should get his lazy ass out because he was just a useless mouth to feed."

The conviction and the utter 'John-ness' of his tone is chilling and Jim finds that no matter what he wants to believe, he has to ask the question, "Sam, is this the truth?"

"Yes! It is!" Jim's eyes close in despair as Sam's words come down the line to him. It explains Dean's reaction and Sam's. What had John be thinking to say that to the lad?

"Okay ,Sam. I'm sorry. Look don't worry too much, Dean knows how to look after himself, so I'm sure he's fine, but I'll check, okay?"

"You know where he is?"

"No, but he phoned earlier today, about lunchtime, he asked me to call you after school was out and check you were okay. He said he would call again to see what you said."

"Can I come up to yours? Maybe I could talk to him if I got there in time?" Sam pleads.

"Not this time, Sam, sorry."

"But . . . maybe if I spoke with Dean, maybe he'd come back . . ."

"Sam, no. Listen I need you to stay where you are. I will let you know as soon as I've spoken to him, but Sam, if you come here, then your Dad will come too and maybe Dean needs a bit more time and space before he has to deal with the argument. Okay?"

"Yeah, I guess. I'm just worried about him," Sam finally relents.

"Sam, I'll look out for him and I promise I'll try and talk him into calling you as soon as I can."

"Tell him . . . tell him . . . I hope he's okay."

"I'll tell him, and I'll say that you miss him and would like him to come home."

"He's doesn't like chick flicks."

"I know, Sammy. I know. I'll look out for him, I promise. Now what are you doing for food this evening?"

"Dunno, probably mac and cheese. I've got loads of it."

"Okay, I'll call again later. Make sure you eat before then."

"Yes sir."

"Oh and Sam, make sure you get back to that homework. Stop worrying about your brother, let me take care of him for a while."

Jim sits back. The two Winchester boys are so alike and so different in the same breath. It is odd to see them. In all the situations where Dean is loud, Sam is quiet, more likely to be found in his brother's shadow and wherever Dean is quiet, Sam doesn't shut up. Jim loves the boys like family , would do anything for them. The problem is he can't always do what they need most; John doesn't make it easy for any of them on that score. What both boys need right now is to be together and Jim can't do that because if he lets Sam come up to his place, John would be hot up after him and if he has done as Sam says, then Dean doesn't need to see his father just yet. In fact, it might go a long way to explaining the depressed and down-hearted boy he'd spoken to at lunch-time. It must have been a real ball-buster of an argument for Dean to stay gone for more than two weeks, no wonder Sam is so upset by the whole thing.

He'd never known Dean to leave his brother for so long under any circumstances. Even when Sam had been in hospital getting his tonsils out, Dean had camped out at the hospital the whole time and that was only eight months ago. Even Sam had found his attentiveness too much, telling him to 'at least go home and shower, dude!' And here they are, just shy of the three week mark and Dean hasn't even phoned Sam, hasn't even asked where they are staying. John has really done the damage this time. For now though, Jim's priority needs to be on putting it right for the boys, he can have words with John later. To start with he needs to work out where exactly Dean is and either get to him or get him to come to Blue Earth.

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It's three and a half hours after he spoke to Sam when the phone rings. Jim answers it on the second ring, "Hello?" and is met with silence. He sighs, "Dean . . ." still nothing but he doesn't need anything to know, he can almost feel the pain made tangible by the silence. Dean's the only person he knows who can do that and he would swear the boy doesn't know he does it.

"Dean, I spoke to Sam, he's okay, missing you but apart from that he's fine. He's worried about you, so am I, Dean. He's on his own if you want to call him, I could give you his number if you like."

"No," it whispers down the line, pain-filled but final.

"You know you don't have to be on your own. You could come to me. You want me to come get you?"

He could almost swear he hears Dean sniff back tears, but he'll never call him on it. The boy has earnt the right to more tears than he's ever shed and right now, as far as Jim can tell, his world is in pieces, but he's not talking and Jim is just hoping he can keep him on the line long enough to convince him to say where he is.

"Is Sam really alright?" Jim can barely hear him.

"Yes, Dean, Sam's fine. He's having mac and cheese for dinner. He's got food in the cupboard and your Dad left him money. In fact it took him quite a while to fathom why you thought he might need money. I think your Dad might be in for a piece of young Sammy's mind when he gets back."

"Tell him I said no."

"If you took his number you could tell him yourself."

"I can't. I . . . I've got to go."

"Dean, don't . . ."

"I'm sorry . . . can . . . can I call you later?"

"You don't ever need to ask that, Dean. I'm always here any time." He can't be sure but Jim thinks he hears a sigh of relief just before the connection is cut.

The conversation hasn't made him any less concerned in fact he's even more worried about Dean but first he needs to speak to Sam and try his best to reassure him, even though he's far from reassured himself. "Sammy?"

"Yeah, it's me. Have you spoken to him? Is he alright? Where is he? When's he coming back? What's he doing? Is he alright?"

"Questions, Sam! And you asked the last one twice!" Jim chides gently.

"Sorry."

"Yes, I've spoken to him but he wouldn't tell me where he was or what he was doing. He's missing you; he asked me if you were okay. He wants you to take care of yourself."

"I'm not the one who . . . Pastor Jim, has he run away for good? Will he ever come back?"

"I'm working on it, Sammy. I'm working on it."

"This is all Dad's fault, if he'd been fair to Dean, this would never have happened. I'm not going to . . ." Sam's voice is rising in anger again as he speaks.

"Sammy, stop!"

"Yes sir," sullenness replaces the anger.

"_**I**_ will be talking to your Dad when he gets back. Dean asked me to say to you that you're not to talk to your Dad about what happened."

"But . . ."

"Sammy, for Dean's sake . . ." Jim hopes that Sam can put aside his own thoughts for long enough to see that this time, they need to go with what Dean wants.

"Alright, but I still think . . ."

"I get it, Sam, really I do. Now did you eat that mac and cheese?"

"Yeah."

"And finished your homework?"

"Yeah." Jim smiles, certain he can hear Sam's eyes rolling.

"So what's the plan until lights out then?"

"Well, we've got the History Channel on the TV and they're doing a special on the history of the constitution. I thought I could watch it."

"You do that but make sure you don't stay up too late. You've got my number if you need anything."

"Yes sir. Good night."

"Good night, Sammy."

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Jim is getting ready for bed when the phone rings again. He picks up the extension at the bottom of the stairs, "Hello?"

He doesn't get an answer. He waits, counting to 30 in his head, moves to sit down on the steps and still not a sound comes down the phone-line that actually tells him anything more useful than the caller is near a road. "I spoke to Sammy, Dean," he says to break the silence, knowing the boy calling can't. "He's worried about you, wants to know where you are, when you're coming home. He wants to know why you don't call him."

"I can't." It's barely a whisper, but Jim knows he's got him for the minute; he's just got to strengthen the hold.

"Where are you, Dean?"

"Nowhere."

Pastor Jim sighs, "How far away are you?"

"Few hours maybe."

"Are you near Bobby's?"

"No." The conversation is hard going but Jim figures at least Dean hasn't hung up and he is beginning to get a little information out of him.

"Caleb's?"

"I can't."

"Okay, that's fine. What about here? Could you come here? Whatever it is, Dean, I'll help you figure it out." He hears a definite sob. "Dean, let me help you."

"You can't . . . Dad . . ."

"Dean, let me try . . . let me come and get you."

"No, it's too far . . . too late . . ."

"What about you coming here?" It's a cautious dance, he's stepping. Of all the children who've passed through his house, their lives and families in pieces, Dean's the one who pulled his heart strings the most, for he's the one who has always demanded the least, expected the least but given the most. Whenever Jim looks at him, he still sees the wide-eyed almost mute six year old he met twelve years ago.

"I want to . . . but Dad . . ."

'Got him' flashes through his mind, but he just keeps his voice calm and quiet, careful not to overload the boy. "Your Dad's not here, Dean. This is my house and you're welcome in it, whatever has happened between you and John. So come, please . . ."

"Pastor Jim . . ." he sounds desperate, "I've been selfish and ungrateful and . . ."

"And Dean, you don't need to confess anything to come here. None of it matters if you need some help, if you want me to help you with whatever you need."

"He'll never forgive me."

"Dean, come here and let me help you. Whatever has happened, you can still come to me." If it were Sammy, his job would be so much easier and not just because of his youth. With Sam, all he'd need to imply would be sympathy toward the situation with John and the boy would come to him like a shot, but it has never been that easy with Dean. Dean's too used to being let down and disappointed, too accepting that things are not going to go well for him and he's fiercely protective of his brother and father in their usual situations. Right now Jim feels as unsure of Dean's relationship with his father as the teenager probably is himself.

"I don't know what to do. It's all too hard."

"Come here and talk, let me help you," Jim offers softly.

"I . . ."

"Sammy would feel better if I could tell him you were here and safe."

There is a snort of almost laughter and the tears are sniffed back, "That's a low blow."

Jim Murphy smiles. He has timed it right, "Bringing out the big guns, lad, the big guns. I don't want to upset you, but I'm not going to lie to you, Samuel is worried about you and so am I."

"I know."

"Will you come and at least let me see that you're okay? I won't make you do anything you don't want to."

"It'll take me a while to get to you."

"Thank you. I'll see you here in a while." The line is dead even as he finishes speaking, but Jim just counts on Dean to keep his word.

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**_Author's Notes :- This story was written for the supernatural big bang challenge on Livejournal. There it is accompanied by an awesome collection of art created by a dear friend to illustrate the story. I'd highly recommend visiting there to see the art. A link can be found from my homepage.  
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	2. Haven

_**Part Two - Haven**_

Working on the theory that Dean had said he was 'a few hours' away, Pastor Jim figures the earliest Dean might arrive is about one in the morning, so he could take himself off to bed for a couple of hours worth of sleep. Before he does, he makes up Dean's bed in the 'boys' room'. There would have been about twelve or thirteen hunters who've stayed with Jim regularly over the years and only a very few of them had children with them, but John and his two boys and Graham with his lad, Jordan are the ones who've stayed most often. There were even times when the three boys stayed while their fathers went off and so there are three beds in the larger of the spare rooms and in Jim's mind, the bed under the window will always be Jordan's, the one in the middle Sammy's and the one by the door, Dean's. He checks the drawers, certain that last time they left in such a hurry, the boys left clothes behind. A vague recollection of a conversation with Jordan before he left has him checking his drawers too. Yep, clothes there, so if as Sam said Dean has nothing with him, he can make do with what's there and if he's grown out of his own, Jordan's will tide him over until Jim can take him to get some new stuff.

With the bed made, Jim heads to his own room to rest, leaving the hall and kitchen lights on downstairs in case Dean arrives early.

Jim wakes to the buzz of the alarm clock just before one and wanders downstairs to see if Dean has arrived; there's no sign, so he makes his way back upstairs to sit in bed reading until Dean gets there.

He hears the grandfather clock downstairs strike two and there is still neither sight nor sound of Dean. He begins to wish he'd insisted on going to pick Dean up but it's too late for that now. He can't leave the house to go looking for him, in case Dean arrives while he's gone. So instead he picks up his Bible and tries to find peace and reassurance in its pages.

At just after three o'clock, he hears a slight sound outside. He puts down the Bible and listens hard. There's nothing more. Deciding it isn't worth the risk of it being Dean and him vanishing again, he gets up and goes down.

Opening the front door, he narrowly avoids falling over the body curled up and leant against the doorframe. He lowers himself down to sit back against the other side of the frame and says, "You made it then?"

Dean's eyes remain firmly fixed on the space between his feet and his only response is, "Yeah."

"You didn't knock."

"I didn't want to wake you."

"I wasn't asleep, but even if I was, I wouldn't have minded," Jim reasons.

"Why?"

"Why what, Dean?"

Dean's voice is full of confusion and anger at the world, "Why don't you mind? Dad turns up in the middle of the night, dragging us with him. He turns up with no warning, no 'Jim, please can we . . .' whatever . . . He sponges off you for a week or more then vanishes. What's in it for you? Why do you let him treat you like that?" His eyes come up and he makes the first eye-contact of the conversation.

Jim can see shadows in those eyes, pain and hurt deep inside. He reaches over to lay a hand gently on Dean's knee as he says, "What happened, Dean? Why aren't you with Sammy and your Dad?"

He can feel how cold Dean is, but when the boy starts to answer, he waits. "We argued . . . I left."

"Are you ready to go back? Do you need some help sorting it out?"

The shivering is getting steadily worse and Dean answers, "It's too late . . . it's all over now."

Jim decides that even more important than getting Dean to talk at this stage is getting him inside and warmed through. "Dean, help an old man up, it's too cold for me to sit here. Let's go inside, I'll get us some hot chocolate and something to eat and you can tell me what happened."

He watches as Dean rises. The boy lacks his usual grace and fluid movements, instead looking stiff and uncomfortable. He doesn't make a sound though and once he's up, he offers a hand to Jim and pulls him up. Jim looks him over, not sure in the half-light of the porch if it is a bruise he can see on one side of his face or just the play of the shadows. He's wearing an old worn pair of jeans and a t-shirt that has seen better days. There's no sign of him having anything else with him.

Dean hasn't followed him into the house, he stands hovering on the other side of the threshold as if he's about to bolt back into the night. "So you want something to eat, right?" Jim asks trying to draw him into the safety he's offering.

He watches as Dean chews on his lip anxiously, eyes flitting between the inviting warmth of the house and the anonymity of the dark. "Dean? Come in." He takes the boy's arm pulling him gently into the house and closing and locking the door behind them. He sees Dean take one last look at the door, before he moves further into the room.

As Jim watches him, he figures it's a long time since he's seen Dean so withdrawn, so upset and in need of help but unable to explain what it is he needs. "Come on Dean, come and sit down."

"Can . . . can I take a shower?"

"Of course you can. You need some clean clothes."

He nods, eyes on the floor. "Your Dad left so quick last time you were all here, you still had clothes drying on the line. If they're too small, Jordan's stuff is up there too, wear some of his. It's all in the drawers in your room. You know which stuff's in which drawer." Dean's eyes come up at the mention of 'your room'.

"Yeah, it's your room, you, Sam and Jordan have spent more time there than anyone else. It'll always be _your_ room to me. I've made up your bed too." Dean's eyes drop again but not before the Pastor sees the glimmer of tears. He moves closer, rests his hand gently on the boy's neck, "You want to talk?" He isn't surprised when instead of words, he gets a shake of the head. "Okay, go take that shower then and I'll sort out some soup and chocolate and see you in a few minutes." He gives him a gentle guiding push towards the stairs.

He watches as Dean climbs the stairs, slowly, cautiously, painfully. "Dean, wait." He's relieved to see the boy stop and he climbs the stairs to stand beside him. He settles for resting his hand on Dean's wanting a connection, wanting to be sure he isn't going to miss any signal, because he knows he can't rely on a verbal response from Dean.

How do you ask that question? How do you broach that subject? He sees Dean curiously looking at the hand resting on his. "Dean, is there any reason why you shouldn't be having a shower right now? Do we need to get a doctor? Do you need the hospital?"

He's surprised when Dean's eyes come up to meet his. "No," he shakes his head as he answers.

"Dean, are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure . . . there's no need."

"Okay, okay. You get that shower then and I'll get the soup on. Don't take too long."

Jim goes into the kitchen. He hunts for soup from the cupboard and puts it in a pan and on the stove to heat slowly, listening to the shower running. It's a relief when Dean finally appears at the kitchen door dressed in a pair of Jordan's sweatpants and his own thick hoodie. He looks better than he did although if Jim hadn't seen him before Jim knows he wouldn't be thinking that. In Dean's arms are the clothes he was wearing earlier. He walks silently through the kitchen to the back door. He steps outside, dumps the clothes in the bin before coming back in and sitting at the bench top watching the Pastor serve out the soup.

"Here . . ." Jim puts a bowl of soup down in front of him, not questioning his actions with the clothes, although it's not like Dean to waste anything that can be reused. He figures that if Dean really did leave home with only the clothes he stood up in, they're probably in a pretty dire state anyway. "Get this eaten. It should finish warming you up." He pulls up a stool to sit opposite Dean, then pushes a mug of hot chocolate over to him. Sipping at his own mug, Pastor Jim stays silent, watching Dean eat, seeing how as no demands are made of him, the boy gradually relaxes. It gives him time to survey the now definite bruising to the boy's face. It's not one bruise but several, of different ages; one so yellow it has almost faded back into his skin. That one would be about as old as Dean's departure from his family, but Jim wonders whether he had got it before or after he left. Only once or twice has he known John give his eldest a punishment that left such an outward mark. On each of those occasions, guilt had flared immediately after and both boys had been left with Jim, while John had gone to burn out his anger without endangering his sons. But this time, what the hell had happened? John was tight-lipped, his last conversation had amounted to the sharing of the name of the hotel along with the room and phone numbers and how long he would be gone.

It was Caleb who had called to say Sammy was going to be on his own and there had been some trouble and Dean had gone. With John there, Caleb had found Sammy sulky and equally tight-lipped, flouncing around petulantly but not openly defiant.

He'd become even more concerned when he and John had returned late one night from a hunt to find Sam asleep hanging on grimly to one of Dean's t-shirts. John's reaction had left Caleb absolutely stunned. Fury at his youngest's behavior had been out of all proportion to any perceived crime committed. He had dragged Sam from his bed shouting at him, stopping short of actual physical violence, instead making the younger boy watch as he'd shredded the t-shirt before throwing it in the trash can shouting, "It's like your fucking brother! . . . Gone ! . . . Now get yourself sorted out and get to bed!"

Caleb had described how Sammy had sobbed for hours in his bed before finally falling asleep exhausted and John had offered not a single word of consolation. When Caleb had moved to try and soothe the sobbing child, John had stopped him saying Sam needed to grow up and Dean wasn't around to mollycoddle him anymore so Caleb shouldn't start. It had been too much; Caleb had dragged the angry hunter out of the motel room and told him exactly what he thought of his tirade. He'd then told him to walk it off and had returned to Sam. He'd managed to soothe and calm the boy, but hadn't had time to find out exactly what had happened before John had returned.

John had spoken calmly to Sam telling him he should get some sleep before school in the morning, then he'd picked up Dean's bag and walked out of the room. Sam's hysteria had returned as he believed his father intended destroying his last connection with his brother. Caleb had followed him again, persuading him to let him keep the bag in his car. Before he and John had left, Caleb had taken the bag and hidden it under Sam's bed, the only thing he could do for the boy until John had calmed down and was more open to discussing the matter. He'd found time to call the Pastor and Bobby, who'd both spent the next week and a half trying to find Dean, but like the hunter he'd been trained to be, Dean could cover his tracks and, until the call at lunch time today, no one had found any trace of him.

Jim brings the pan over to top up Dean's soup, is worried when he won't accept any more and instead pushes the bowl away without finishing. Jim can think of three reasons why Dean isn't eating and only one involves Dean having eaten earlier and not being hungry now and he just knows it's the least likely of the three. "Something the matter with the soup? You want something else?"

"No sir, thank you."

"Dean . . ."

"I ate before . . ." but as his eyes won't come up from the table, Jim knows he's lying. He's thankful for the good relationship he has developed with Dean over the years because he knows Dean can, when he wants to, lie like he's telling the truth, but Jim knows Dean doesn't like doing that to him and there's normally a reason, however misguided, when he does. They have an unspoken agreement. Dean makes it clear he's lying and Jim won't press, but this time Jim isn't going to let the matter go, the truth will have to be told in the near future.

"What happened to your face?" he asks, as if he was talking about the weather. The question is discarded with a shrug of the shoulders as not worth answering. "Are you going to tell me where you've been?"

"Sorry."

"It's okay. It doesn't matter; I just thought I'd ask." He moves round to stand beside Dean, putting his hand back on his shoulder. "You ready to go to bed now? It looks like you could do with some sleep."

Dean stands up and starts to clear the dishes and mugs. Jim stops him, "Leave them. We've got plenty of time tomorrow." He guides Dean out, turning out the lights as they go.

As they reach the door to Dean's room, the Pastor asks, "Are you going to be alright in there? Do you have everything you need?"

"Yes sir." Jim wishes he'd had time to break through more of Dean's walls when he was younger because now he's certain it just gets harder and harder for Dean to let people in. Dean closes the door behind him and Jim goes to his own room.

* * *

Jim's just turning out the light when he realizes Dean hasn't got a toothbrush so he gets back up and heads for the cupboard to fetch one before heading back to Dean's room. He knocks once but doesn't wait for an answer, just pauses for an instant before walking in. He stops abruptly when he takes in the bruising that covers Dean's back and right hand side. He recognizes the fear in the boy's eyes as he tries to pull the sleep t-shirt down to hide his battered torso. The Pastor sighs and moves right into the room. He sits Dean on the edge of the bed, then sits beside him.

"You can't keep all this inside, Dean. It's time to talk. What happened?"

"A fight."

"_**A**_ fight. Dean . . ." The Pastor pauses, he's got to get this right. He takes a breath, calms himself then starts to speak, "Dean, I want to help you, but I need you to tell me the truth. I'm not going to turn you out, no matter what, but I need you to start talking to me or I can't help. Let's start again. Let me see the bruising."

"It's fine."

"Dean, I want to check your ribs." He sees the tears back in the boy's eyes as he shakes his head and keeps his hands firmly down on the bottom of the t-shirt. It's a long time since he's seen Dean this broken, this unable to cope with his life, figures that this long away from his family has only made an already hard life unbearable. "Dean, is bruising all there is? Is there anything else, other than bruises, something that we need to fix?" The tears fall silently down his cheeks before he manages to shake his head, but yet again he won't look up. Jim reaches a hand to the boy's head, running it soothingly down his the side of his head. "Let me see."

"I'm sorry." As Dean murmurs the words, he lifts the t-shirt. "I'm sorry, Pastor Jim."

Jim gasps, looking from Dean's body up to his face, where along with pain, he can see expectation. Dean is expecting to be scolded and rejected and Jim doesn't know where that expectation comes from but he's seen it before. "It's okay, Dean, we can fix it." He pulls the boy into his side and holds him wanting to force out any doubts that remain in the boy's mind that he is loved and valued, even as he wonders where that lack of self-worth comes from.

Jim may not always agree with the John Winchester approach to parenting but he has never doubted that John loves his boys, well never before the current debacle. The man raised his sons to be tough, resilient and, with Dean in particular, soldierly. With his brother as a buffer, Sammy seems destined to retain a childlike innocence for longer. Somewhere along the way though, Dean has also picked up the belief that he is not lovable for himself; his value, his only purpose in life lies in how well he does as he is told, and how well he takes care of his family. Jim is certain that has never been John's intention.

"Okay," he says a few minutes later, easing Dean back into a sitting position. "I need to take a proper look." The boy's eyes are red-rimmed, but he looks a little more in control as he nods. He stands, shifts round so the light shines more onto his left side, swallows anxiously then lifts the t-shirt again. The Pastor bends closer to look at the wound. "It's a mess, Dean," he says. He's not telling Dean something the boy doesn't already know. "I'll have to clean it out and re-stitch it." It looks like it was probably a knife wound to start with, but it's days old with the worst stitching Jim's ever seen holding the sides together and an infection to boot.

"Who did the stitches?" He asks but he has to ask the question again before he gets 'me' as an answer. "Why?"

"I didn't know what else to do."

"There are hospitals, Dean. They even staff them with people who know what they're doing, you know!" No matter how hard he tries, he cannot keep the full exasperation out of his voice.

"They'd have called Dad."

"And you could have given them my name and number; you know perfectly well we've got paperwork for that."

"I didn't think . . ." Jim waits, resisting the urge to assume he knows what Dean is about to say and jump in before he finishes. "I didn't think you'd want to come, not after . . ." The boy falls silent again.

"Of course I'd come. I'll always come if you need me." He straightens up and takes Dean's chin gently between his fingers; he turns Dean's head to make eye contact. "You only have to ask and I'll help _**you**_." He pulls the boy into another embrace and says again, "I will help you, Dean, always. Now I need to look at your side. You need to let me clean it out." He knows Dean's been pushed too far this time, his strength for keeping himself and his family strong has vanished, right now he's barely clinging on at all. It's time for someone else to support him and make him the priority.

"Yes sir."

"I'll go and get the kit; you put some towels down and sit on Sam's bed, the light's better there. I'll be back in a minute."

When Jim returns he finds Dean laid down on Sam's bed on towels, his hands clenched in one of his brother's t-shirts. Jim sighs as he sees the boy start to struggle to rise and to hide the t-shirt. Setting the things he carried in down on the bedside table, he turns to stop Dean getting up saying, "Stay there, it'll be easier with you laid down, you won't cast a shadow over it. I just want you to take these. They're not going to stop it hurting but with luck they'll take the edge off."

He helps Dean sit up enough to take the pills he's holding and to wash them down with some water. Then he helps him settle back down on his side, before retrieving the t-shirt he'd tried to hide. Sitting down beside him, Jim puts Sam's t-shirt over his hands, saying "We all need something to hold on to, Dean, whether it's literal or metaphorical. Right now, your something is Sammy and that's fine. Now just try and relax, let those pills start working."

Giving the pills time to kick in, Jim pulls the bedside table closer and arranges everything he needs. Finally he fetches water and some extra towels. Re-entering the room, he sees Dean's eyes drifting on the edge of sleep, so he sits beside him and says, "Dean, it's time, okay?"

"Yeah."

He sets to working as quickly and efficiently as he can. He's relieved when he's finished and the wound is covered over. Dean doesn't complain at all, only letting slip the occasional grunt of pain as Jim works. "I'm done," Jim says as he finishes securing the dressing.

"I'm done in," the boy says, eliciting a smile from the older man.

"I bet you are. Here let me help you over to your bed, so I can clear up here and you can get some proper sleep." It only takes a minute or two to get him settled and almost asleep. Jim sits beside him running fingers through his hair as he drifts. Jim smiles when he realizes that his brother's t-shirt managed to make the journey as well. As soon as Dean is asleep, Jim clears away the debris and turns out the main light, leaving just a small light on so he can check back in later without disturbing him.

* * *

It's just after nine the following morning and Jim is checking in on Dean again. Although not awake yet, it's clear he isn't far off as he has begun to toss in his sleep. Jim heads downstairs returning a few minutes later with toast, juice, water and painkillers along with an antibiotic. Setting the tray down, he moves to wake Dean. Dean's attempt to fight him off as if being attacked worries him somewhat but it's not that out of the way to be unheard of in the past. When he was younger, there were times when Dean had suffered from horrendous nightmares. Jim has never been absolutely certain that he'd stopped having them; in fact he has always strongly suspected that Dean had just learnt how to hide them. Jim pins the hand that starts to head under the pillow for Dean's knife securely but not harshly, and waits quietly as he sees the fear gradually recede as Dean comes fully awake. "Sorry" is the first word the boy says.

"It's okay. I've brought you up a bit of breakfast so that you can take some more pills for your side. There are painkillers and stuff for the infection."

"I just wanna sleep."

"That's fine. You can do that right after breakfast, but you've had enough pain meds and antibiotics in your time to know they'll play havoc with your stomach if there's nothing in it."

"I'm not hungry yet. Maybe later."

"No, now! It's just a little bit of toast. You need to start eating something. One piece of toast and I'll let you go back to sleep."

Dean accepts the Pastor's help to sit up and allows him to check the dressing and the injury below. "All things considered it doesn't look as bad as I expected, but we'll have to keep an eye on it to make sure that infection doesn't take any more of a hold. Now eat, I'll be back in a minute."

When he re-enters the room, he sees the boy chewing and swallowing with a pained expression as if expecting his stomach to rebel at any time. "Okay, I'll make you a deal," he says, looking at the plate and seeing Dean has almost finished one piece of toast. "I'll let you stop there but you have to talk to me and then get some more sleep."

When Dean nods, Jim lifts the plate from his lap and passes the water and pills over. Once they've been swallowed, he takes the glass back and helps Dean settle back against the pillows. "Okay, let's start with where you went when you left your Dad and Sam."

"A guy from my class at school."

"A friend?"

Dean's eyes fill with pain and he turns his head away focusing on the wall. Jim leans forward. "Come on, tell me what happened. It'll make it easier."

"What? Knowing that you know how stupid I've been?"

"No, knowing that I understand how much you're hurting."

Dean looks down at his fingers then starts to talk. "I thought he was my friend, _they_ were my friends, but I was wrong. I was just the butt of their jokes. You know what it's like every time we start a new school . . . they stare at us, judge us on our clothes, where we live . . ." His hand goes up to his bruised cheek.

"The bruises you've got," the Pastor adds gently.

"Yeah, whatever. I thought it was different this time. I thought I could fit in, not be the outsider, the freak. Boy, was I wrong!"

The Pastor waits. Dean breathes deeply then starts again. "I've been trying hard in school, I tried to keep my grades up, get my work done on time, but . . . sometimes, it's so hard what with . . . everything."

"I know."

"Dad said we were going to move again. I asked him not to but . . . we argued." Jim waits as he sees Dean struggle to continue. "He . . . he said one school was as good as another . . . but that's not true. The new school . . . I looked it up, found out about it. They don't offer the same things I've been studying and I couldn't have transferred all of my coursework or my grades. I'd have needed to start from scratch. I'd have needed extra classes to catch up, I'd have had no time to do . . . to do . . . everything."

"Dean, I'm sorry."

"I tried to talk to Dad, I tried to make him see, but, like he said, I'm just too selfish. I got angry and said I wouldn't move."

"Did he listen to what you said at all?" Dean shakes his head in response and they both sit in silence for a few minutes.

"I tried to ask him if we could come here and stay for the rest of the year so I can finish out school. This school is okay. Pastor Jim, this was supposed to be my last year in school. It's why I said those things." He can hear the plea for understanding in Dean's voice, the desperation that someone believe he isn't just being selfish without reason.

"What did he say?"

"You didn't need to be lumbered with my lazy ass and I had responsibilities," Dean sounds utterly defeated. Jim wishes that John Winchester wasn't such a stubborn fool when it comes to his sons. His love for them and desire to protect them from harm leads him at times to make so many bad decisions. No matter how many times Jim, Bobby and Caleb tell him to set up a permanent base for the boys' benefit, he doesn't do it. Jim can understand that he wants them with him as much as he can, he wants to be able to see them breathing, alive and well, but he refuses to compromise his hunting, his need for revenge. If they needed any proof that he was getting it wrong, it's sitting right beside the Pastor now in the shape of his oldest son, a boy who's worked so hard to try and be able to finish out school with enough credits to graduate despite all the odds stacked against him. Jim's helped Dean with his studies enough in the past to know that Dean is anything but stupid but at the same time he's spent so much of his school life struggling to be able to keep up that he doesn't believe that about himself.

"Dean, I don't feel that way. You are always welcome here, and I'd be more than happy for you and Sam to stay as long as you need to." He feels as Dean pulls away, withdrawing in on himself even more.

"I . . . you're Dad's friend . . . it's not right for me to drag you into our arguments."

"Dean, just because your Dad and I are friends doesn't mean I always agree with everything he does. It also doesn't mean we can't agree to disagree."

"But not about me or . . . or Sammy." Jim can hear the pain in Dean's voice. He doesn't want to acknowledge the truth in Dean's words, knows that he's tried to talk John into settling for the boys' sakes too many times to no effect.

"What happened?"

"I told him I was going to stay. He could go without me and . . . I walked out."

"Was that it?"

"No, I went back later to see if he'd changed his mind or to get my stuff if he hadn't. He told me to get lost; I was no son of his and no brother for Sam. He threw me out and wouldn't let me get my stuff."

"Oh Dean," The Pastor leant forward to take him back into his arms. "It was the anger talking, Dean, not your Dad. I know he's not an easy man to reason with when he's like that."

"He hates me." Jim can hear exactly how much John's words have destroyed what little self-belief Dean had before and wishes he could wind the clock back and fix it that this argument had never happened.

"No Dean, he doesn't hate you. You and Sam are his life, you're what keeps him going."

"Not any more. Sam maybe, but not me, not now."

Jim knows that until John has calmed down, he can't hope to change Dean's mind, so he tries to find out what has happened since. "What did you do then?"

"There was this guy Tyler in my class. He acted like we were friends, said I could stay over at his. I thought I could fit in, but I don't. I don't fit in anywhere."

"Dean, you were just unlucky, you could fit in anywhere if things were easier, but you spend so much time looking out for your Dad and Sammy, it's not easy. You are one of the most caring boys I've ever met, you could have loads of friends if you didn't move so often."

"They could see me for who I am, Pastor Jim, a loser, no hope. They taunted me, said I was a freak 'cos I look out for Sam, that it wasn't normal, that I shouldn't i_want/i_ to be with my brother. I shouldn't be checking he's okay, but . . . I don't get it, I don't understand. I thought it was right, it's what Dad says I should do, what _you_ say I should do, but they said . . . they said I was a stupid freak." His voice drops quieter still as he finally murmurs, "Pastor Jim, it was what_ I _ wanted to do . . . look after Sammy."

Jim cringed at the torment the boy must have endured, to have his world torn out from under him like that and certain that what had actually been said would have been far worse. "Dean, I'm sorry they said those things. I'm sorry they lied to you and that you've been through this but _they __are_ wrong. You looking after Sam is a good thing. It is right, not them. Is that why you won't call Sammy?"

"They said it's not normal, that I shouldn't want to look out for Sam, that I shouldn't care whether he's okay or not." Jim can feel the pain and confusion radiating from Dean, the instinct to put his brother first vying with his need for approval.

"You know that's not true."

"Sam doesn't deserve people picking on him because I'm a freak. Sam's a good boy, he's clever and he works hard and . . . and he can be a bit of a geek but he's a good boy. He . . . he . . ."

"He's a _lucky_ boy, because he has a brother who has always looked out for him; a brother who protects him; a brother who makes sure he has food to eat, time to study, clothes to wear; a brother who always makes sure he's safe and looked after; a brother he's missing now and who he's really worried about right now."

"No . . . he can be normal if I'm not there. It's what he wants, he's always saying he wants us to be a normal family, if I'm not there, it'll be more like it should."

"No . . . no it won't. Normal isn't being in a motel room, all alone with no-one to look out for him. Normal isn't having to cook himself mac and cheese every night because you and me both know, Sam's skill in the kitchen is limited. Normal isn't him worrying all the time that something has happened to his brother, that he might never see him again. Dean, your normal, Sam's normal, may not be the same as the other kids in school." He can see tears falling silently from eyes that are exhausted and pain-filled. "Dean . . ." he lifts the boy's chin again to make eye-contact, "If those boys think caring for your brother is wrong, they are the freaks. Looking out for your family is a good thing. You are good for Sam, he needs you."

Dean's voice is barely even a whisper, "I miss him, Pastor Jim, I miss him," and the sobs that rack his body show how vulnerable he is.

"Ssh. We'll fix it, Dean. We can fix it." He holds the boy close knowing the trauma of the last few weeks combined with his injury and the meds were prompting this uncharacteristic openness. It was a shame he had to be pushed so far, before he could ask for help. "Ssh. It'll be okay." Feeling Dean begin to relax, he eases him away. "Come on now, lie down and get some more rest, while those meds are working."

He helps Dean settle back, sees his eyes red-rimmed from tears but heavy-lidded with weariness. "Just rest, Dean. We'll fix it all later. Just rest." He watches as Dean relaxes towards sleep. Suddenly Dean begins to struggle to pull himself fully awake again. "Ssh, calm down, it's okay, just relax."

"No . . . No . . . Sam! Is he alright? Is he really alright? You'd tell me, right? You'd tell me the truth."

"Sam's fine and we'll call him in a bit when he's home from school and you can check for yourself. Now though, close your eyes and rest."

"Sorry."

"It's fine, we'll fix everything later," the Pastor's voice soothes the boy to sleep.

* * *

_**Author's Notes** : I know Dean seems weak in this chapter, but I figure that he's been pushed to breaking point and beyond and at this point is at rock bottom and that is what defines his reaction._


	3. The Truth

**Part 3 - The Truth**

It's a while after lunch when Dean wakes again from yet another nightmare. Jim is at his side and stilling the hand that heads under the pillow. "Dean, it's okay, you're safe," he says quietly, hating the circumstances that have driven Dean to need to sleep with a hunter's knife beneath his pillow. Once he sees recognition in Dean's eyes, he begins to talk. "Dean, I'd like you to let me look after your knife for now. Just until you're better, when the nightmares have stopped. Let me keep you safe. I won't let anything happen to you. You're safe here."

"'s not there. I forget when I'm asleep but it's not there."

"It's not?" Jim is shocked by this latest revelation. "What happened to it, Dean?"

"I . . . I pawned it."

Jim knows things must have been dire for him to have pawned his knife. "It still there?"

"Last time I checked, yeah."

"You still got the slip?" Dean points half-heartedly to the table. "We'll get it back then. Now how about some lunch, I've brought you a sandwich." Jim sees a look of revulsion pass over Dean's tired features, but the boy says nothing and starts to push himself up into a sitting position. Jim adjusts the pillows behind him, sees as he does so that the knife is truly not there. As he helps Dean settle back, he feels the boy shiver."Dean, are you okay?"

"'s cold," is all the reply he gets and Jim rests his hand on Dean's forehead feeling the elevated temperature. His hands move surely down to the dressing and even before he's managed to lift it, he can feel the heat pouring through it.

When he lifts it, he's surprised for while as he expected the signs of infection are worse, given how much heat is coming off, he'd expected it to be far worse than it is. Looking at Dean's face though, he knows this is beyond the contents of his medical supplies. Dean is watching him listlessly, his eyes glassy. Covering it over again, he asks, "Does it hurt bad?"

"Not good, but 'm okay."

Jim smiles gently and smoothes Dean's hair back from his face. "Here have some water," he says lifting the glass to Dean's lips. He watches the boy tentatively sip and swallow a few times before reaching for the glass himself trying to drink thirstily. "No, just a little at a time; slow and steady." He moves the glass away.

"More, please."

"Not yet, in a minute or two." He turns to the sandwich and lifts half of a piece of the bread away from the rest. "Here, try and eat this."

"Not the sandwich?"

"You want the sandwich?" Dean shakes his head. "I thought not. You should have called me earlier, kiddo. You didn't have to let things get this bad."

Dean bites and chews slowly. "How long, Dean?" The boy's eyes flit away, but he continues to take small bites. "Tell me how long since you last ate properly, Dean?"

"Two days, I think."

"Two days and before that?"

"I ate."

"Yeah? Why don't I believe you?"

"I did, I promise . . . I promised you before."

"You did. You promised me if you didn't have money to feed Sam _and_ yourself, you would call, but Dean, I know you remember that. The promise before was for Sammy _and_ you and you know Sam's got money. You gave him yours so it's not a broken promise if Sam's eating, is it? Now before the last two days, what were you eating?"

"I didn't lie, I promise I didn't and I didn't give Sam all of the money I'd got . . . I kept some." Jim has never understood why sometimes Dean allows himself to get lost in this desperate desolation when he has a way out, why he doesn't just take the help that is there. He knows that he's not the only one who's impressed upon Dean that he only has to call. Bobby and Caleb would drop anything to make sure he and Sam were okay, Jordan too. If anything now Jordan is old enough to do something about it, he should be the easiest one to call, the one who most understands what it's like having been in a very similar position himself not that long ago.

"Tell me, I believe you didn't lie and you kept your promise, so tell me."

"I had . . . enough money . . . I bought bread and granola bars."

Jim felt the flicker of a grimace pass over his features before he forced his face to show only calm and care again. "How long did they last?" Because that's the problem with a boy like Dean, he knows how to make food last, he knows how to stave off hunger by eating just enough to get by.

"I don't know . . . I stopped counting . . . I didn't want to be away from Sam so long . . . counting . . . counting just reminds me I'm letting him down." The boy's defenses have gone, between exhaustion, infection and pain, he can't fight any more. Tears fall and Jim runs a gentle hand over his head calming him.

"Sam's okay, Dean. Sammy's okay. You haven't let him down. We'll figure it all out. Don't worry," he soothes gently, knowing he's repeating himself but needing Dean to really hear and believe him. "We'll get it all right now."

A few moments later, he helps Dean lie down saying, "Just rest, Dean. I'll be back in a few minutes. We can do this you and me, okay?" How wrong is it, the Pastor wonders that he can say that and it be true, that yes, he and Dean have been through situations like this before, that the boy has come to him before as good as starving, only admitting there was a problem when he can no longer feed his brother. Jim knows how to gradually re-introduce food until he can eat properly. How wrong is it that he hasn't just taken Dean away from his father, that he didn't call Children's Services when they were younger, because God, if the boy doesn't deserve better then Jim would question his own faith in the Lord.

He knows why he didn't do it. He didn't do it because he couldn't guarantee the boys would be kept together and he knew that without Sam, Dean wouldn't cope with the system and without Dean, Sam's innocence would be shattered. He also knows that without his boys, John Winchester would have gone over the edge for good.

He sees Dean's eyes close again and he leans down to take the final corner of bread from between his fingers then heads out of the room.

When he returns five minutes, later, Dean is awake and trying to struggle into the clothes he'd left out the previous evening. "Hey, hey, slow down, sport. What's going on here?"

"You called him. You called him, I've got to go, got to . . ."

"No, no you don't." Jim stops him as he tries to pull on his shoes. "You, my lad, are not going anywhere but back to bed. I did not call your Dad. I'll let you know before I do. In the meantime, you and the bed are going to get up close and personal. Got it?"

"Really?"

"I haven't called him. So back to bed."

Dean nods and stands to take the sweat-pants off again, as he does so a flicker crosses his face and he says, "Can I go to the bathroom first?"

"Yeah, you can, then back to bed." Dean gives a small nod of acceptance at the order and makes his way slowly out of the room.

Jim moves to the bedroom door, far enough away from the bathroom for Dean to have privacy, but close enough that Jim will hear if Dean tries to open the window and climb out, although looking at him, he's not in a fit state for a daring escape plan.

The door opens and he sees Dean leaning heavily against the frame. "Pastor Jim . . ." there is an anxious note to his voice. Jim steps forward toward him, sees his eyes crease in pain. "Pastor Jim," he can hear the anxiety turn more desperate. He reaches the boy's side and carefully puts his arm round to help support him. "I don't feel too good," Dean barely whispers.

"I know, let's get you back to bed." Jim sent a small prayer of thanks silently that Dean had managed to make it to him before things had escalated to this point. It didn't take long to get Dean settled down and exhaustion meant he fell rapidly back to sleep.

Jim is back downstairs in the kitchen when the phone rings. Picking it up, he is surprised to hear Caleb's voice, but after a quick exchange of greetings he listens as the other man talks of being worried about how Sam is coping without Dean and how on the edge John Winchester is. Caleb explains how he thinks John is completely losing it but won't even admit that he is concerned about Dean's whereabouts. Jim is relieved to be able to share the good news that at least now Dean is somewhere safe, even though he's in a bad state.

When Caleb suggests bringing Sam and John up to Blue Earth to reunite the family, Jim cautiously says that it isn't the right time. He figures they need to really start to deal with Dean's reason for running before he has to face his father again, help him come up with a solution. Caleb reluctantly agrees, after all, the last thing they need is for Dean to take it into his mind to run again, because if he does he won't be seeking their help again and that's a risk they can't take.

They discuss the possibility of getting John to agree to letting Caleb bring Sam up to stay with Jim alone, but neither think it's likely that he'll agree. After all, Dean was at home alone far younger than Sam is now and he had Sam to look after as well.

In the end they agree that Caleb will find a time to speak to Sam alone when they get back to the motel that night by taking Sam with him to fetch take-out or something like that, so that they can reassure the youngest Winchester that his brother is now in safe hands. After that they'll start to work on ways to fix the situation and get all of the Winchesters back in one place. Caleb also suggests that as soon as he can he'll get Sam on the phone so he can talk to Dean. Jim asks that he wait for the go-ahead because Dean isn't well and it will only serve to make Sam worry more. He promises that as soon as he can he will make sure that Dean phones to speak with his brother. Caleb's suggestion is that they use his phone to make sure that Dean gets through to the right person and doesn't end up talking or more realistically arguing with his father before he's ready.

Jim's barely hung up when there's a knock on the door. He realizes that in chatting with Caleb he'd forgotten about the phone call he'd made earlier to a friend who was a doctor in town; a friend he's called before when he's had hunters in need of medical help. He hurries across to welcome the man standing there in, "Hey Jake. Come on in."

Jake crosses the threshold with a warm smile, doctor's bag in one hand, the other held out ready to shake Jim's. "So out with it, what am I here for this time?" Jim's relieved that the smile is still in place as he asks the question, wondering how long it will keep when he sees Dean.

* * *

Jake's face is grim as he examines Dean's injury, takes his temperature and gives him a thorough check over, but his voice is soft and reassuring as he speaks to Dean. Jim can see as disbelief flickers across his face at a number of Dean's answers, but for the most part he lets the answers slide. He doesn't push for information about why Dean hadn't got the injury treated immediately. He asks Dean how he'd got the injury but again, accepts Dean's answer despite it not being in the slightest bit believable.

As he continues with his ministrations carefully and without demanding any further information, Dean gradually relaxes, making it easier for Jim to be able to treat the injuries. He finally steps back from the bed, heading for the bathroom to wash up, reassuring Jim before he does so that it's fine for Dean to sleep again as the two men see his heavy eyes droop.

By the time Jake returns, Dean is sound asleep with Jim hovering close as if wanting to check on his vitals himself. Looking up at Jake's entrance to the room, Jim nods as he gestures to the stairs before picking up his bag and coat. Jim heads downstairs and immediately goes into the kitchen to start making coffee.

It isn't long before the two men are sitting at the kitchen table with mugs of coffee between them. Jim chews on his lip as he wonders how to start asking how Dean's going to be and how to avoid answering any awkward questions Jake might have.

"Quit chewing your lip and thinking so loud!" Jake says suddenly. "Let's start with what I already know . . . the kid's name is Dean and if you cast your mind back, he and I didn't get on so well . . . um . . . a little under a year ago, when the kid would not leave my hospital. I remember a younger brother . . . the one who at the time was actually under my care – tonsillectomy if memory serves? That one was easier to put up with, always saying something when you're talking about teenage boys in my opinion. Dean, however, was an obnoxious and opinionated little punk who would not get out of my hospital, despite numerous threats on my part!"

He sighs, "Not often you see that sort of loyalty and protectiveness towards a younger brother in a kid his age. Which, of course, is the only reason I tolerated him at all."

Jim smiles, he remembers it well and he also knows full well that for all the bluster both then and now, Jake isn't the hardass he makes out and actually had a real soft spot for Dean. Why else would he have sneaked the boy doughnuts when he refused to leave his sleeping little brother's side. Jim knows he's going to have to give Jake at least some of the details.

"You know what teenage boys are like . . . arguments at home . . . starting to find their own two feet. He fell out with his Dad and is taking a break from family."

Jake looks at him with a frown of disbelief. "That kid wouldn't 'take a break from his family' unless the apocalypse was coming, so where is the kid brother and what state is he in?"

"Sammy's fine, I promise you. He's with his father and Caleb." He figures it as well to mention Caleb's name, because while John Winchester may not be among Jake's favorite people, he has no such qualms about Caleb.

"Caleb . . . he's looking out for the younger one?" At Jim's nod, Jake adds, "Okay, I'll let that slide for the minute and get back to the one upstairs. So you'd better start talking."

"It's like I said, argument with his Dad and he left, got injured so made his way here. I don't know any more than that, honestly."

"Jim . . . you and I have been friends for many years and I know you've shared a lot with me and that you've kept a lot secret as well. I know that the men I've come here to see in the past can't seek hospital treatment, but we're talking a kid now and . . ."

"I know. Look, we both know it's not that simple. Yeah, he's young and I'm not happy about the mess he's in, believe me. I found out about a week and a half ago that he'd left home. We've been looking for him, myself, Caleb and some other friends. The injury happened after he left. He called me yesterday, made his way here and didn't say a word about being hurt beyond what I could see, until I started to put the pieces together and he couldn't hide it any more. I cleaned it up, gave him something for the pain and some stuff that I hoped would help the infection and as soon as he showed any sign of getting worse I called you. I don't know any more beyond that. The leaving and the injury are not related. I've spoken to his brother several times and he said that Dean and his Dad argued, Dean gave his Dad an ultimatum, his Dad didn't accept it and threw him out. He left and hasn't been back, despite everything we both know about how he feels about his younger brother. Sammy is safe and sound though, just missing his big brother and as soon as we get him well enough, I fully intend making sure the two boys get some time together while we work on fixing the mess with his father."

"The Police should be called."

Jim sighs, "You want the boy to run? You want him to be out there on his own in this state, nowhere left to go, nobody left who he feels he can trust. His trust is hard to come by. If I do anything that he thinks of as betrayal, not only will he not come to me for help, but he won't go to any of the other friends who would protect him. It's not what I want for him, but the choice has to be his as to how we proceed. Whatever we think, he is not a child, not emotionally, not practically and no longer even legally."

"Alright. So what ido/i you want from me then?" Jake asks.

"I only ask you to treat him as best you can here and to tell me what I can do for him. Tell me it all, even if it's what I don't want to hear. Tell me honestly. If I really have to take him to hospital then tell me and I'll have to try and convince him to let me do that, but I need time to work on him."

Jake shakes his head, "You'll need to watch him closely, follow the regime of drugs that I'm going to give you to the hour and I'll come back out later today and tomorrow. We both will do everything we can to get him well _here_. I understand enough. But Jim, if he takes a turn for the worse now, he will _have _to go to hospital directly, there won't be time to waste. He's been fighting infection, his body is weakening; he's been fighting long enough. Right now he's stable. Pray this works and we don't have to take him to hospital."

* * *

Jim knows he's following Jake's instructions to the letter. Dean is sleeping again. He'd woken him forty minutes ago to eat and take more of the medication that Jake had left for him. They talked for a while, Jim telling him about Sam and his enthusiasm for the History Channel on the TV in the current motel room, how he's been learning about the Constitution and the Nazca Lines and how he'll be able to talk Dean's ear off when they meet up next. Jim takes a book with him and as he watches the youth drift on the edge of 'tired enough to sleep but not there yet' while his mind refuses to give in and allow him the rest he so needs, Jim reads aloud letting the steady rhythm and cadence of his voice, soothe and eventually calm Dean enough that he falls back to sleep.

By the time Jake returns in the evening, even Jim can see the improvement in the state of the wound on Dean's side. Jake seems pleased by the progress, although he is still cautious, repeating again how fine a line they're walking. He frowns as he takes Dean's temperature before turning to Jim and saying he must take Dean's temperature hourly and giving him limits for calling him or for taking him to hospital. They're both relieved that Dean lies still, quietly letting Jake get on with his examination without a word. Jake asks him a few questions that he answers wearily, but both men believe the answers are honest and it isn't long before with another rounds of meds filtering into his system, Dean's eyes are growing heavy and both men are content to leave him to sleep again.

Downstairs Jake runs Jim through the progress he's pleased with and what is most concerning him now before asking if Jim's been in contact with John yet. Jim explains that he's spoken to Caleb but they're going to give Dean more time to heal before telling John, because it wouldn't matter whether John's reaction was to come rushing up to find him worried or angry, or whether he wanted nothing further to do with Dean, none are going to be easy for him to cope with.

Jake shakes his head, expressing a desire that involves a large steel-capped boot and a carefully placed kick. Jim just raises an eyebrow in humor at the thought of Jake even contemplating trying that with John Winchester. It isn't long before the doctor is on his way, leaving Jim to his own thoughts.

* * *

Over the next few days, Jake makes frequent visits and is pleased with Dean's progress. He takes the opportunity to remind Dean continually about taking care and following Jim's instructions. He slips in questions about where Dean got the injury and what prompted him to be away from his family, but the more he recovers the less he's even willing to attempt to come up with an answer, believable or otherwise.

When they're alone though, Pastor Jim persists with Jake's questions, knowing that he's in a position to push further and to expect some sort of honest answer in response. He isn't willing to back down, knowing that someone needs to tease out the problems so that Dean can begin to piece his life back together in some form.

Jim has no idea at this stage whether he'll be able to get Dean back with his family, but he isn't going to give up on helping the boy get ia/i life and he fully intends making sure he can see his brother, for both of the boys' sakes. Much as he'd like to help John Winchester too, for once he is going to put the hunter's needs completely aside and focus solely on what his sons need, for this time everything's got too far out of hand and Jim is not going to let it cost the boys their bond.

* * *

It's four days before Jim considers letting Dean up out of bed for anything more than a trip to the bathroom and even then the furthest he's going to let Dean go is downstairs to sit on the couch in front of the TV. He ignores all of Dean's offers of help around the house, in the kitchen and just gives a very pointed glare at Dean's suggestion that he could help clean the church. He's relieved when Dean gets the message and stops fighting the imposed confinement and instead settles down with a few books to read. It says a lot about Dean that the books he picks to read are Jordan's old school textbooks. If ever Jim had needed proof that Dean actually does want to do well in school, he's got it in front of him now.

The seriousness of the injury is clear when, despite his best efforts, Dean is still falling asleep every hour or so, but Jim isn't worried to find him sleeping again. It's probably a good sign that Dean is feeling safe enough to actually rest and recuperate properly.

* * *

The two of them are sitting quietly one evening having not long finished eating, when Jim asks, "What do you want to happen, Dean? If we're going to have a go at getting things fixed, what is it you want now?"

Dean shrugs but doesn't say a word.

"How about we come up with a series of things that could come out of this situation and then we decide on which ones would work for you?"

"What's the point?" Dean asks quietly. There isn't a hint of selfish teenage self-interest or self-importance, the only thing Jim can pick up from his tone is defeat. Dean continues eventually, "There's only really two possibilities, one is Dad forgives me and I go back with them and do as he says, the other is I – I'm on my own." The choked off emotion is clear in the second suggestion.

Jim wonders what more he can offer, because neither of those is really satisfactory as far as he is concerned. "Dean, whatever happens you're not on your own, let's make that clear before we start. You're not going back out there, that's not a solution to the current situation. If we can't come up with any other solutions that work for you then you'll stay here with me and go to school here." When Dean starts to interrupt, Jim continues, "Your Dad can fend for himself, so don't even say that. My decision is that you are my priority, if your Dad can't deal with that, then he's burning his bridges. I'm not cutting him off."

He can see the pain in Dean's eyes, the turmoil of coming between his father and the Pastor and so it's no surprise when Dean quietly says, "Dad needs you to be there for him."

"Then he needs to start putting what you need on his list of priorities." When Dean shakes his head and starts to say he's too tired and he's going to bed, Jim knows he's just trying to avoid dealing with the problem. As much as it might hurt to deal, the current situation is tearing Dean apart and Jim isn't going to let him keep doing this to himself.

"Sit down!" he snaps, and sees Dean subside back into the chair without a fight. "I'm not going to let you put this off any longer, nor am I going to let you leave, before you start considering that as an option. We iare/i going to call Sammy later this evening, because he's worried sick about you. It would be good if we at least had a few ideas of things that you might be considering, things that might be possibilities because we both know that Sam's going to want to know how you are, when he can see you and what's going to happen next. And all of that will only be slightly ahead of 'Where have you been?' and 'What's happened to you?' You need to be prepared to have at least a few answers for him."

Dean shakes his head, eyes down, bottom lip held tight between clenched teeth as Jim watches him fight to control the emotions inside. "Talk to me, Dean. Tell me what you want."

"I can't have what **_I _**want! There's no point in saying what **_I _**want 'cause it can't happen," Dean retorts. He starts to push himself back up from the chair awkwardly, the pain from his injury making him wince and shift trying to ease it and keep his balance, before finding himself confronted with the Pastor's body unmoving in front of him. "I can't have it," he says quieter, anger subsiding to be replaced with despair. "I can't have it." The Pastor doesn't say a word or move at all, he just waits, blocking Dean's exit.

Dean lets a small sob escape his lips before he clamps a hand across his face, hiding his eyes, shielding his mouth as if to keep all evidence of his distress hidden. Jim lets a hand drop to Dean's shoulder offering support and reassurance, but still doesn't say anything. He'd always felt that the day Dean collapsed under the burden he'd been carried would be spectacularly devastating. Right now he wishes he'd been wrong, wishes that life and John hadn't conspired to break Dean so effectively.

"I – I – I want him to love us, me and Sam. I want him to want to be with us. I – I want him to stop hunting and be safe. I want it all to stop hurting." The tears are unstoppable by the time he's finished getting the words out and Jim can already see the guilt that he's finally admitted to something he really wants already flooding his face. "I want him to forgive me!" The desperation in those final six words are enough to break even a hardened hunter's heart.

Jim draws the boy close, wondering how he could possibly prove to Dean that his father loves both him and Sam more than anything in the world, that he would die to keep them safe, when John acts as he does. John Winchester would be devastated to realize that Dean thought his father didn't love either of them, that Dean didn't _know _that he and Sam were everything that mattered. Jim can understand perfectly why it isn't clear to the boys. Jim also hasn't failed to notice that nowhere in the list of what Dean wants does he mention finishing school.

"He'll forgive you because really . . . there is nothing for him to forgive if he thinks about it. I'll make sure he forgives you. He loves you and Sam more than anything else in the world. He won't stop hunting though, no matter what we say, we can't stop him hunting, I'm sorry, Dean. I know how much it hurts to watch him leave and not be sure that he'll come back, not be sure that he'll be okay. I know how much you hate when you all hunt together and when Sam or he get hurt. I wish there were a way to stop it for you, but . . ."

"I can't have what I want," Dean says, his voice now calm and quiet.

"Not that part, no," Jim agrees softly. "What about school? Meeting up with your Dad and Sam? Staying here?"

Dean shrugs as if it were unimportant. When the Pastor says nothing more, Dean says, "He told me to go and never come back. He told me – told me I was no – no son of his." The words catch as he struggles to get them out.

"He didn't mean it. I can promise you, Dean, he didn't mean it. He didn't mean that at all. He was angry and frightened that you'd go and he wouldn't be able to protect you and he reacted badly. He wanted to frighten you into staying so he knew where you were, knew you were safe. I promise you he didn't mean the words he said."

Dean shakes his head sadly as he says, "I think you're wrong. You didn't hear him. He meant every word he said. Every single word." Dean shrugs and starts to turn away.

Jim stops him, with a quiet reassurance, "I promise I'll prove to you he wants you back. Give me a little time. Your Dad's a proud man, doesn't like to admit he was wrong even when he knows he was."

The phone rings and ends anything further he might have tried saying. "Sit down and rest for me, Dean. I know you're still in pain and it's not time yet for your next dose of meds, so just rest while I get that." He waits until he sees that Dean is doing as he's told and lowering himself back into the chair before he turns to go and answer the phone.


	4. Healing

_**Part 4 – Healing**_

It's a surprise when the voice on the other end is young. He certainly hasn't been expecting to hear from Samuel although he had had every intention of calling him to make sure he is okay. Sam sounds upset which makes matters worse and his words are fast, falling over themselves to get out and be heard even as his voice cracks, breaks and settles again in the space of a breath, emotion and puberty combining to create the constant change.

He lets Sam get the initial outpouring out, picking up what he can as he tries to piece it all together, knowing that he's going to need to go back and fill in the gaps that are lost in the speed and emotion of this tirade. He knows Sam's finished when he takes a breath and says, "And I've still not heard anything about Dean." The weight in the words makes it sound as if it is the final straw that makes the difference between the world being survivable and it being a disaster. Mind you, from what he has managed to glean, Dean probably would have been the catalyst that kept Sam coping in ordinary circumstances.

"So you're in trouble at school?" he asks by way of clarification.

"That's what I was telling you," is the indignant reply.

"Explain to me slowly how it happened, I think I missed a few bits along the way," the Pastor confesses. He knows it's something Dean is always nagging Sam about, the tendency to pour out all the information he wants to share in one go and not to break it down into manageable chunks that other people can process. It's much like his tendency to ask five or six questions at a time without giving anyone a chance to reply to the first.

"We had to take a permission slip and some money into school for a school trip later this week. The deadline was today, we got given the letters last week but Dad's been gone all that time. He was due back the day before yesterday, but he isn't here yet and I haven't heard anything from him yet. I tried to sign his name and I took some of the money that Dean gave me to pay for it. Dean normally does all that, he signs my slips and they never question that it isn't from Dad and I know that Dean gives me the money when Dad hasn't got any to go on trips and stuff so I figured he wouldn't mind. It wasn't much, just a contribution towards the cost of transport to the museum and a bit towards the entrance fee. School was picking up most of the cost anyway."

He draws a breath for which the Pastor is grateful as it gives him time to start working out what has actually gone wrong. "Anyway, they decided I'd signed it and Dad hadn't given permission – which was true, but it's not like it matters, does it? He can hardly complain about me going on a _supervised _trip a couple of towns over to a museum when he leaves me here for five days on my own! He comes and goes all the time, it's not like he really cares what's happening to me!"

Jim can't help but agree with the logic of most of Sam's statement, even though he can see the problem from the school's point of view. The school administration definitely wouldn't be happy to find that Sam has been home alone for the last few days. That would most definitely be a can of worms John Winchester would rather not come home to. He could argue that John really does care but seriously neither of his sons would believe him on that, or not given the most recent evidence they've seen.

"What happened then?" Jim prompts Sam to continue.

"The teacher sent me to the Principal, who decided that if Dad hadn't signed it, then I hadn't asked him and if I hadn't asked him, then he hadn't given me the money so I must have stolen it. Then it turns out some teacher, who I have for one Home Ec. session a week, had her purse stolen at the end of last week, on the day I was in her class and so the Principal decided it must be me who's taken it. So now they want to talk to Dad. I convinced them that Dad couldn't be contacted today at work and that I would make sure he did get in touch. I can't believe that they let me get away with that, but I can't get an answer from Caleb or Dad and with Dean not here . . . Pastor Jim, I don't know what to do! I'm not allowed back to school until they've talked to Dad, I can't go on the trip and . . . I . . . I can't do this on my own!"

Jim can't believe things can have got so bad so quickly. John had been doing so much better about being back on time, for him to be two days late when Sam's alone is completely out of line. He's also worried as to why neither he nor Caleb are answering their phones. "What time did you try calling Caleb?"

"Well, I tried calling Dad a few times first, I started when I got home from school and tried like every fifteen minutes or so. I didn't call Caleb until nearly nine o'clock. I guess maybe that was a bit late?" he asks tentatively.

Jim figures that is the most likely reason for Caleb not answering, although why on earth John hadn't answered sometime between Sam getting home from school and nine at night he doesn't want to think. "Okay, Sam. You're going to be fine. . . I'll make sure of it. Are they expecting your Dad to go in to see them or just to call?"

"They want to see him . . . they're not happy. They've just got through the paperwork from the old school . . . they know about Dean and they were asking why he hasn't registered . . . I didn't know what to say about that. I – I don't want to get Dean into any more trouble."

"Don't worry about that. It's fine. The situation is not great because obviously they're concerned that Dean hasn't graduated yet, but it's not breaking any laws for him to not be in school. He's old enough for that to be okay." Jim looks over at Dean and sees the worry in his expression that something is wrong for his brother. He gestures at the phone hoping that Dean might agree to talk to his brother.

"Pastor Jim," he hears Sam begin and knows that the younger boy is going to ask after his brother again. He's promised Sam that Dean is safe over the last two calls but has so far avoided telling him that he had arrived at Blue Earth because he really didn't want to tell Sammy what a bad state he was in. "Pastor Jim, I know you said you knew where Dean was and that he was safe but . . ."

"I promise you Dean is safe now, Sam." He sees as Dean looks away guiltily and decides not to let the situation drag on, both boys need this contact too much. "In fact, he's here now and if you just hang on a minute I'll take the phone over to him. Now Sam, he's not been too well, so he can't stay on the line for long tonight but a quick chat will be fine." He crosses the room as he speaks and as he finishes, he holds the phone out for Dean. When Dean doesn't take it, he covers the mouthpiece and says, "Come on Dean, Sam needs to know you're okay. Just talk to him for a couple of minutes to reassure him that you're safe and recovering, okay?"

He sees the scant nod that Dean gives before lifting his hand to take the receiver and putting it to his ear, he says softly, "Hey kiddo, you doing okay?" Dean listens quietly for a minute or two before saying, "I'm fine, there's nothing to worry about. I just had a bit of an injury so I came to see the Pastor and now everything's fine again, back on my feet and good to go."

Jim isn't surprised to hear him play down the injuries, would have called him on it if he didn't think that Sam is having a bad time already and the last thing he needs is to add any more worry about his brother. He hopes that Sam similarly doesn't say too much to Dean about being in trouble at school. He knows that, when Dean finds out, he will feel guilty, firstly for not being there to sign the papers for Sam, secondly for not being there in support when the teachers decided he was the one at fault.

Jim isn't sure how well Dean had been getting on with the teachers at his old school to know what information might have been forwarded to them. There is always the possibility that if Dean had shown any attitude then Sam may just be being painted with the same brush by teachers who are just making quick assumptions. Jim knows that it's easy to assume that Dean is just brash, stubborn and awkward. It's also entirely possible that the school staff hadn't known either of them long enough to realize that Sam is, in school at least, none of those. Dean isn't really either, Jim knows, but it's easy to think that the façade he uses to protect himself and the bravado he puts on to hide the struggle he's constantly facing at home are all there is to Dean. What teacher would believe that the reason he's run from home is that he's being denied the education he so wants?

He waves a hand at Dean to attract his attention to let him know that he's going out of the room for a while and when Dean acts as if he's going to cut the call short, he steps forward to stop him. Dean covers the mouthpiece after a curt, "Hold on a minute, Sammy."

Jim tells him they're fine to chat for a while, but he's going to go down to the study for a few minutes to make a call on the other line. He's had a dedicated line put in, the number given only to the select group of hunters that he works closely with, an added protection for them. If that phone rings, he knows it's an emergency. For many of the hunters, it's the number they carry on them, the number that will ring if they're ever admitted to a hospital unable to convey their own details. For many it's slipped into their wallet. The only safeguard they can have against anonymity in death. For now though, none of that matters, because it isn't an incoming call that is the focus of his attention. Now it's the outgoing one that matters and the need to provoke some action preferably from John Winchester but failing that from Caleb.

He returns not long after to find the room in silence and Dean clutching the phone turning it over and over in his hands although clearly the conversation is over. He leans over to take the handset from Dean before saying, "Are you okay?", unsurprised when Dean shrugs but won't meet his eyes.

He puts the phone back on its base before moving to sit beside Dean. "What's worrying you?"

Dean's face is downcast, eyes firmly on his hands as they twist agitatedly in his lap. "He's in trouble, but he wouldn't tell me what the problem was!"

"What on earth makes you think he's in trouble?" Jim tries to make his voice sound surprised, but feels somewhat foolish when all Dean says is that Sam phoned the Pastor and he wouldn't phone if there wasn't a problem. Jim can't fault his logic, because it's absolutely true. Both boys may know his number by heart but they don't just call for a chat. He phones them for that. He calls to check they're okay whenever he can, to try and keep his relationship with them so that they feel they've got somewhere to turn when they need it.

"There's been a small incident at school and the school wants to speak to your father. Sam can't get an answer from John, so he called here. I've left a message with both your father and Caleb. If they don't call back this evening, then I'll drive down to help Sam."

"Is it – is it my fault?" Dean asks reluctantly.

"How could it be your fault? You weren't there, so how could it be your fault?" Jim is unsurprised by the shrug he receives as a response. "Dean, whatever happened was nothing to do with you, all right? At this point I don't know enough about what happened to work everything out, but I do know that it wasn't your fault."

Dean sighs before he adds, "If I'd been there . . . if I'd been looking after Sammy like I'm supposed to, would it have happened?"

"Maybe, maybe not, however if your Dad had been there, if he'd been looking after Sammy like he's supposed to, it wouldn't have happened." Jim figures that saying that is absolutely the truth, although if John had been there he probably wouldn't have considered Sam going on a school trip to be a priority anyway. "I promise you though, if I don't hear back from your Dad and Caleb, then I will drive down there and help sort it all out. If I go, you can come with me if you want to."

Dean shakes his head.

* * *

It's the early hours of the morning when Jim's phone rings and he's yawning as he answers to find Caleb on the other end of the line. When he explains about Sam's difficulties at school, Caleb is furious that John hadn't answered his phone when it had been ringing the previous afternoon and early evening. He'd seen John look at the display and just ignore it several times the previous day as John had been finishing up the research. His first thought had been that it might be Dean and he was going to tackle John about it later, but didn't want to go into the hunt in the midst of an argument, knowing that they both had to be focused for everything to stand the best chance of working out well. He regrets turning his own phone off so early but he hadn't wanted to forget and for it to ring during their hunt.

Caleb promises to go straight back to the motel room and to tell John to call Jim and then they'll both hit the road tonight to get back to Sam before morning and get everything fixed with the school and get Sam back in class and on the trip.

As Jim hangs up and makes his way back up the stairs to bed, he sees Dean standing framed in the doorway to his room. "Dean? Everything okay?"

"I – I just wondered who was calling. . ." the boy responds.

"It was Caleb," Jim reassures him. "He's going to make sure that he and your Dad are back with Sam by morning."

Dean nods and turns ready to return to his bed. He looks over his shoulder and says, "Thank you. Thank you for making sure he's going to be okay," before closing the door behind him.

Jim wishes he could change so many things in the world and make it a better and easier place to be, but right now, he'd settle for a little peace and comfort for Dean. He returns to his own room and can't help but spend a little more time praying before he turns out his own light and tries to sleep.

* * *

When Caleb calls next, he reassures Jim that everything was fine with Sam and that John had thrown a major rant in the Principal's office, almost getting himself arrested for threatening the man who had accused his son of stealing. Sam is cleared but John has already made it clear that he's not intending keeping his son in a school that bandies around such accusations lightly.

As he says to Jim, Caleb's unsurprised at John's decision to move Sam's school again and the fact that this time he's got proof that it isn't his fault they're moving stands him in an even better position. He's insisted that the school write a letter of apology for the false accusations.

There is no specific destination in John's mind yet, so Caleb is doing his utmost to convince him that a move to Blue Earth or Sioux Falls would be good but so far the suggestion is being ignored. Jim doesn't find that unduly surprising, given how often John has chosen to disregard that piece of advice in the past.

The two men discuss how Dean's doing, both pleased that his wounds are healing well now and that the Doctor is happy that he is recovering and apart from leaving Jim with a few remaining instructions to make sure the process continues, he's said he doesn't need to see Dean any more, with the strict proviso that should anything change, Jim contacts him immediately.

Jim says that his biggest concern now is Dean's mental welfare. Depression. The world on his shoulders and for all the support that Dean gets from Jim and for the single phone call they've now managed to hold between the two boys, Dean is not coping well with being away from his family. Even Bobby dropping by to try and lighten the mood had had no effect.

Caleb admits that he too can hear it when he had spoken to him. The hunters know that for all that they matter to Dean and they know that they do, they aren't what Dean really needs. The only thing that can really help Dean heal now is his family.

Decision made! They have to start working on John to get him to concede that he was in the wrong, admit that he needs to do something now to save his son and prove that he loves him, needs him and respects him in ways the boy can actually understand.

Caleb reminds Jim that they still don't know where the knife wound came from and that he needs to find that out before John interferes, along with trying to accustom Dean to idea of talking about it and what he wants for the future before he has to face his father. Jim knows he's got his work cut out for him over the next few days.

* * *

Dean has been avoiding him for most of the day, only turning up when called and then staying long enough to finish whatever Jim asks him to do before vanishing back to his room. Jim knows it's probably an indication that he needs to work fast to crack Dean's shaky façade before the boy takes it into his head to leave again. "I need to talk with you for a while," he says as he walks into the study where Dean is poring over a book in the dim light, "And if you're going to read, at least, put the light beside you on or you'll ruin your eyesight. Anyone would think you were trying to avoid me and were hiding in here with the lights off like that!"

He watches as Dean picks up a bookmark, slips it between the pages of the book and closes the book before looking up. As he shifts and flicks on the light beside him, Jim can see the blush of embarrassment on his cheeks. "Sir?" Dean murmurs quietly.

Jim knows that's not how he wants this conversation to go and so he sits down quietly, picking up a book of his own and flicking through the pages absently before looking back at Dean and asking, "What was it that you were reading? Did you find something interesting?"

Dean lifts the book up enough that Jim can see the cover of one of Jordan's old textbooks. He racks his brain trying to be certain, but can't get rid of the feeling that of all the school textbooks Dean could have chosen to try and catch up on the work he's missed, there is something significant about this particular book. He tries to remember and is pretty sure that this is not something Dean was studying at school but that it was one of Jordan's favorite subjects. He knows that some people would read something into that, but he doesn't like to jump to too many conclusions. He doesn't like to make assumptions about what Dean or for that matter any of the other hunters' children that he's met are going through.

"Jordan's?" he asks. Dean nods, pushing the book further away and keeping his eyes forward. "Okay. I'm gonna get to the point here, I think we need to talk about everything that happened from when you left your Dad and Sam until you got here and that should include where and how you got the stab wound."

He's surprised when Dean nods and begins to talk quietly. "I thought I could stay with the guys from school but that didn't work out. I moved on, wasn't sure what to do." Although his voice is quiet, Dean continues without pausing. Jim wonders if he's been rehearsing it knowing the 'interrogation' would be coming sooner or later. Somehow though, his words don't sound practiced, just truthful. "I hung round the town for a couple of days, tried to see Dad while Sammy was at school but it didn't work out."

That's a surprise and Jim can't help interrupting, "You tried to see your Dad again?"

Dean nods and Jim instantly regrets the interruption because now Dean is struggling to continue. Jim can see the panic running through his mind at the thought that he is betraying his father. Jim keeps quiet this time, just giving what he hopes is an encouraging half smile.

It takes another minute or two before Dean draws in a dragging breath and begins to speak again. "Dad . . . Dad said it was time I did as I was told and got my act together. He showed me some report cards to remind me. I'm no good," his voice is almost matter of fact. "I'm not good enough to graduate school or anything. Those teachers were . . . The teachers who said I could go to College were wrong, that's what he said." He sighed, "I told him I wanted to try. Guess that was a stupid thing to say." Jim can see how tired of fighting the boy before him still is. Dean looks away as he says, "I should have done as he said."

"Dean?"

"No, Pastor Jim, don't say anything. It's true. My job is to do what Dad says and to look out for my family, for Sammy. I didn't do that. I failed at my job and now I don't know how to fix it."

"You don't have to fix it on your own, we'll fix it together, but first we need to know what you want. D'you want to come here to live and go to school? Do you want your Dad to head back to where you were and let you pick up where you left off? Or is there something else you want to try? Our first job is to work that out, then we can start working out how to make it happen."

Dean won't look up, until Jim gives him further encouragement, when he finally reluctantly says, "I want to go home. That's all Pastor Jim, I want to go home now. I don't want to be on my own anymore. I need to see Sammy. I need for Dad to forgive me for all the trouble. I need it, I do."

Jim can hear the pleading desperation and wishes he could actually change the things that really needed changing so that the boy before him can have what he needs along with what he thinks he needs. Changing John Winchester enough for Dean to get both though will almost certainly not be within his power in the short term, if ever. For now, getting John to back down enough to accept and forgive his own son will be incredibly difficult.

Jim reaches out a hand to give Dean's shoulder a squeeze of support. The two of them are quiet for a while as Jim ponders what to say and how to broach the matter with John. Looking back at Dean he asks, "Can you tell me what happened when you left? How you got injured?"

"I just ran at first to calm down and then I saw the bus station and I thought maybe if I went away, if he couldn't find me then things would be different. I went to see Sammy, gave him as much money as I could spare, told him to be careful. Then I went back to the bus station and got in a bus, I just went a couple of towns over at first. I thought if I hid out there for a couple of days then I could go back to them and everything would be okay. I found places to stay out of the way, out of sight and went back, I dunno, three or four days later. They were gone . . . they weren't there anymore, Pastor Jim."

"Gone?"

"I guess they did what Dad said and just moved on."

Jim wishes that John could actually understand just how much his actions hurt his sons, how just a little time, a little thought and so much pain could be avoided. If John had hung on those few extra days or even admitted to Jim or Caleb maybe they'd have found Dean sooner, found him before he got physically injured. At least they'd have been looking nearer the right place. It's only now that Jim has actually realized where they were when Dean left, because he always makes sure his information about the boys' schools is up to date in case of phone calls knowing that John adds him as an emergency contact on any paperwork. "What did you do then?"

"I hitched a ride out of town as far as I could. When the guy dropped me off, I hung out, found somewhere to squat . . . there was this old house, some kids were living there. They let me stay. We took it in turns to try and get food and stuff and everything was okay for a while, but then it wasn't. There was trouble. This one guy came back, apparently he hadn't been around for a while. He was bigger, a bit older than everyone else and he was throwing his weight around. He . . . he tried to force a girl, so I . . .I stopped him. We got in a fight and I got hurt so I ran again."

Dean stops speaking for a moment, pausing as if to collect his thoughts. "I knew it was bad, but I also knew I needed to get away from there so I stole a car and I drove until I ran out of gas and then," he sighed, "I cleaned myself up as much as I could. I pawned the knife and I bought the stuff I needed to clean and stitch the wound but it sucked trying to do it myself and I couldn't do it right, not the way Dad taught me."

"Geez, Dean, of course you can't do it the way your Dad taught you . . . You've been taught to clean and stitch up someone else! Not yourself."

"I hate doing that," Dean says simply.

"I know. I know you do and I understand that. It's not something I like having to do but I do it when I have to, just like you. So what happened then?"

"I stole a clean t-shirt when no one was looking in a Laundromat and then I hit the road again. Hitched some more but then I began to feel ill and things were just getting harder all the time and I couldn't think of anything to do, didn't know what to do, so I called you. I'm sorry."

Jim smiles, "I'm not sorry you called, I'm just sorry you left it so long before you did. You could have called me from the start and I'd have helped, but that's all in the past now. What we need to focus on at this point is moving forward and getting you where you want to be so you can finish up school and see Sam and your Dad."

"School doesn't matter, it's too late. I just want to get my family back."

Jim wishes he could change that but he has to be honest with himself. For Dean family will always be the most important thing. It's what makes the boy who he is. It's what has kept him so strong over the years and what drains all his strength away as soon as he is apart from his dad and brother.

* * *

"I talked to Dean," Sam tells Caleb as they walk to fetch take-out. "He's at Pastor Jim's and he's been hurt. He says he's fine now but I don't believe him. I'm going to run away and go and see him," he finishes determinedly.

"Is that a threat?" Caleb asks with a hint of amusement in his voice.

"A promise!"

Caleb rubs his hand across the back of his neck before speaking again. "Okay, Sam. I get the message, you want to see Dean." Sam's eyes are determined. "So think of it like this . . . You run away now and your Dad is just gonna come after you, no two ways about that." He holds a hand up to silence Sam's objection to that point. "Sam! Trust me, if you don't trust him just now. He will come after you. Is Dean ready to see your Dad? Does he need that right now?"

"Maybe if Dad saw that Dean was hurt then . . .?" Sam suggests.

"Or maybe he'd get even angrier and say that if Dean had stayed put, it wouldn't have happened. I get that you're finding it hard, but right now we have to work on what Dean is ready to be able to cope with and he might not be ready to argue with your Dad. What do you think would happen then?"

"Dad will tell him what to do and he'll just do what he's told, whether it's right for him and me or not," Sam replies to Caleb's relief. "I want to go see he's alright though, Caleb."

Caleb sighs. "I know you do, Sammy, and I know it sucks the amount you've been left on your own lately and all the bad stuff that's happened but I promise you Pastor Jim and I are working on getting you back with Dean and fixing things up between him and your Dad as soon as we can. Believe me, we want things to be right again for you all."

"Don't care about Dad – he's just a jerk anyway, but Dean . . ."

"Best I can do right now is for you to give Pastor Jim a call on my cell and then you can have another chat with Dean while we're waiting for the take-out. How does that sound?"


	5. Family Should Stay Together

_**Part Five – Family Should Stay Together**_

Over the next few days, Dean seems to relax into talking on the phone with his brother and Caleb a little more. Jim knows he's still a little anxious about the questions they might ask that he doesn't want to have to answer. The relief of knowing his brother is safe with not one but two adults looking after him seems to help his peace of mind as well.

He has stayed close by as Jim has spoken with John, surprised to hear John actually seeming to be concerned about the fact that Jim has a lead on his whereabouts. He has to admit to himself that he hadn't expected John to express any interest at all in him, but he's close enough to the phone to hear the relief that Jim knows where he is. To hear John ask if he's okay and to hear his voice break with worry when Jim tells him Dean's been injured but is well on the road to recovery almost has Dean reaching for the phone to stop his Dad from worrying any further.

It isn't a huge surprise when after one call Pastor Jim asks if he can invite John to visit so they can see each other. Dean had heard the real pain of loss in his father's voice, a tone he recognizes from when he speaks of Mary. Now he feels truly guilty for the pain he's caused, but he knows that isn't what the Pastor is wanting from him.

The following night when his Dad calls, they speak. The conversation is awkward, stilted as they try to ask questions to see if the other is really okay while at the same time avoiding any of the dangerous areas that caused the argument.

Dean knows now that school isn't important, it's a life skill that isn't really going to register for him. Family is what counts so before the end of the call, he puts himself out on a limb and says, "Could I see you again? Sometime?"

John's "That would be good, son," is going to stick in his mind as one of the most precious memories ever and he feels so much lighter and at ease as he disconnects the call that Jim is already questioning him about the huge smile he's sporting.

* * *

Two days later, John and Sam roll up in the Impala with Caleb just behind in his truck. Sam is out of the car and running up the path to where Dean is standing on the porch waiting. He pauses a moment before flinging his arms round his brother and burying his head into Dean's chest. Dean manages to hold back a grunt of pain and he doesn't flinch despite the discomfort of Sam hitting him so hard, instead he relishes the solid presence of his younger brother, the proof that Sammy is fine.

Dean's arms wrap round, holding Sam just as tightly in return. He feels almost overwhelmed but can't bring himself to let go for even a moment. His hold on Sam wavers for a moment when he takes in the sight of his father looking at him from the far side of the Impala. Sam's head turns to look up at his brother. "Dean? Are you okay? I've really missed you. I'm glad you're here and we're here. I wanted to know where you were. I didn't want to be on my own anymore. I don't like it with just Dad and no you. I mean Caleb's been great and everything but it's not the same without you there. . ."

Dean runs a hand through Sam's bangs brushing them back from his eyes. "This needs cutting, little bro and I've missed you too. I'm sorry for everything I did."

Sam just squeezes him harder and this time he lets out an unintentional grunt of pain. Sam lets go instantly, stepping back with concern. "Dean?"

"'s okay. Just don't squeeze so hard, huh? 'S not like we're girls anyway!" At Sam's look of disbelief, he goes on to explain, "Pastor Jim told you I got hurt – well, 's healing good, don't worry, 's just a bit tender and I've still got to be a bit careful. That's all." He can see the disbelief in Sam's eyes, so he continues, "You can watch later, when the Pastor checks it out. How's that, little vampire?"

Sam relaxes a little, "Just don't want you to be hurt is all. I don't like it."

"Me neither. Believe me, getting hurt is not my idea of a fun way to pass the time." Dean's eyes keep flicking between his brother and his father, trying to work out what John is thinking. He avoids meeting John's eyes, afraid of what he might see there.

John grabs his and Sam's bags from the Impala before crossing over to Caleb's truck to speak to the other man. They approach the house together, Caleb grinning widely at Dean. John is calm but his face gives nothing away and rather than crossing to Dean, he turns to Jim and greets him with a handshake and a few exchanged words. Dean looks away, figuring that his father is saying all he needs to say without words. He moves away leaving the path to the front door open but finds his brother following him, arms still hanging on to Dean.

Dean hears as both Caleb and Pastor Jim mutter something about him to his father. He figures it's probably some sort of guilt trip that they're trying to pressure him with and he doesn't know how to stop them. He can't work out how to tell them that this whole thing has been his fault from start to finish. He knows he's already told them that and they both keep telling him he's got it wrong, but his father doesn't want to speak to him and that's all the proof he needs that he's the one to blame.

He rounds the corner and flops down on to one of the seats there, somehow surprised when Sam follows and pulls the other chair up as close as he can before sitting down. "No chick flicks, Sam!" he warns.

"Dad's an ass! Is that actually a chick flick or just reality?" His younger brother stares intently at him. "I still can't believe he said those things to you, you know. I talked to Pastor Jim and he said Dad didn't mean them. I – I think he might be right. Not that it stops Dad being an ass though." Dean tilts his head to look at his brother, wondering what he's rambling on about now, but too tired and hurt to actually ask.

"Dean, when you left us, Dad was really pissy . . . all the time. I couldn't do anything without him shouting and yelling, even when Caleb was with us." He puts his hand up to forestall his older brother's apology. "It wasn't your fault. I think you did the right thing. Caleb and I talked about it. You deserve to finish school, to be in one school 'til you graduate. All this moving makes it too hard for you to do all the work and Dad expecting you to help on the hunts and look after me. I'm sorry I get in the way so much."

"You don't get in the way of anything," Dean mutters. "Wouldn't want you to be anywhere else or with anyone else. I missed having you around to ramble on and ask questions all the time."

Sam smiles broadly at the backhanded compliment. "Dad was wrong to say you were selfish. You deserve to finish school, to graduate like the other kids. You've worked harder than most of 'em."

"Dad was right, I got my priorities screwed up. Family is more important than anything else ever."

"Yeah, Dean, family is important. Family means all of us so it's not just what makes me and Dad okay – you count too. You're important too, what you need, not just what me and Dad need. Dad needs to listen to us both – about school and about home and stuff like that. He should listen about the hunting too, because you're clever, you know lots of stuff about it n-"

"Don't say that, Sammy, 's not true. I only know the stuff Dad teaches me. No one's as good as he is. He's the best!"

"Even if he's the best it doesn't mean he knows everything or that you don't figure stuff out quicker sometimes. And he should listen to you, when you say you don't want to do something. It's not his choice. It's yours."

"You don't understand everything, Sammy. It's not like that. Dad knows what's best. Dad needs me to follow orders, when I'm told, not when or if I feel like it. I – I shouldn't be such a smart ass! It's no wonder he doesn't want me back."

"'s not true, son," John says quietly. Both boys look up in surprise, not having noticed John round the corner of the house. "I do want you back. I want to be sure you're safe and well. I want you to know everything there is to know about hunting so it'll keep you safe when I can't."

Dean looks up at his father. "Dad!"

Sam gives his father a disgusted look. "That's crap! You shouldn't want him to be hunting. If you were a good father, you'd want him as far away from hunting as you could. You'd want him to have a home and not to need to keep moving round the country. If you were even remotely interested in him as a person and in his future, you'd want him in school, you'd be hounding him to get the best grades he could."

"Sam!" Dean hushes him, desperate to stop the impending argument.

"You know what Sam," John looks straight at his youngest son, "if we lived in an ideal world, you would be right. That's not what we're living in though. Your Mom died, Dean knows that, he knows how important this is, how we need to . . ."

"That's crap! We're not the only people out there. Why should we have to do this? Why should we have to be the ones to live like this?" Sam demands.

"Sam! Please! Just stop this!" Dean shudders as he pleads with his younger brother, skin paling as the torment of the last few weeks alone rolls over him again, the isolation and rejection that he knows he can't live with any longer.

Sam looks at his brother, registers how he has paled even since they arrived. He stops arguing, stands and moves closer to his brother, resting a hand on his forehead as if feeling for a temperature. Quietly he says, "You're not looking so good. Do you need to lie down?"

Dean tries to bat his hand away as he denies feeling bad, only to find Sam's hand brushed aside by a larger palm. "Sam, go say hi to the Pastor. Dean and I need to talk for a while," John says softly, no sign of his earlier anger, just an overwhelming concern that even Sam can recognize.

Sam leaves them to talk alone with a disgruntled mumble. He turns and heads back to the front door of the house as John lets his palm run gently across his eldest's head, feeling as Dean leans into it as if soaking up something that he needs. Reluctantly he lets go and moves to sit in the chair Sam had vacated. "We've missed you."

Dean's head hangs, guilt clear for John to see. "It was a shame you left like that. It's been hard to take care of Sam with all the jobs I had lined up. Would have helped to have had you there."

"Yeah," Dean murmurs in reply. "I . . . I guess I wasn't thinking straight."

"Sammy doesn't do so well, you know, when you're not there to look out for him."

The dejection settles deeper into Dean's soul as he is reminded again of how badly he's messed up looking out for his little brother.

"It's an added worry when I'm out on the hunt. You know that, don't you? Just how important to me you being there, looking out for him, is. You know how important that job is, don't you, Dean? How much we all need to be able to rely on you?" John's hand settles warm and heavy on the back of his son's neck. "There aren't many people that I've ever been able to trust to keep him safe. Not like I know I can trust you."

"I –" Dean's words are choked off. He feels the emotions of the last few lonely, fraught weeks rising within. He's desperate to keep control, to convince his dad that he can be trusted, that he can be allowed to rejoin his family. Tears well unstoppably as John's hand on his neck pulls him closer.

He buries his head on his father's shoulder and lets the tears flow, relishing the warmth and security of John's arms holding him close, the familiarity of his deep voice rumbling beside his ear as John continues to tell him how important he is to Sam, how much it matters that he is with his family, the things they both rely on him to do.

It takes a few minutes for him to pull himself together again, to be ready to lift his head, dragging his hands across his eyes hoping to hide the trace of his tears before he has to face Sammy or anyone else. In that time, John doesn't let up the soothing pass of his hand over Dean's back. When Dean is finally sat up alongside him, eyes dry but still reddened, John runs a hand across Dean's hair and says, "You're getting about ready to have that cut again, son."

Dean smiles hesitantly, his head tilted slightly to look at his Dad. "I guess so," he says quietly, pleased when his Dad smiles back. "I'm sorry, Dad. I'm sorry for everything that happened."

"Jim tells me you got hurt. I'll be wanting to check that later."

Dean's head drops again but the words, "Yes sir," are clearly spoken.

"Jim had a doctor look at it? Made sure you're gonna be okay?" Dean nods in answer to his father's questions. "I'm gonna need you back on form asap, son. There's some hunts coming up that I'm going to need back up for, back up I can trust."

Dean's eyes come up to meet his Dad's, not convinced that he's understood exactly what his Dad is saying until his Dad continues. "I need you to start training, seriously training, son. It's time that you came with me more. We'll be based with Sammy, so I'll still be expecting you to be looking out for him and then I'm going to need you to take on more of the research now. I know you've got the skills you need to be good at this. Now you need to hone those skills, become the expert that I know you can be."

Dean's eyes widen in surprise at all that his Dad is entrusting him with. "This is your chance, Dean, your time. You're going to do the research and present it to me, like those assignments you were doing for school, but this is more important, lives are going to depend on this, on you getting it right! Is that understood? You'll report your findings to me and I will assess how well you're doing. It's your time now, Dean, take it. Learn what you can because one day . . . one day, you're not going to have me to do it for you. One day, everything is going to hinge on how good you are at your job!"

Dean nods as he murmurs another "Yes sir," relieved to see his father smile and his hand reach out to pat Dean's shoulder in support and encouragement.

"Time we went back inside, joined the others. Have you got much to pack up?"

"No sir."

John nodded, "I guess we could head straight out, get on the job. If you ask me, back in the thick of things is where you need to be. We need to put these last few weeks behind us. Sammy needs you, needs some extra stability at home. He's going to need some of your time and attention. The last few weeks have put a lot of stress on him too, you know."

Dean nods, thankful that his Dad is being so accepting, grateful to have this second chance with the people who matter most. It was more than he'd hoped for, so much forgiveness without any real reproach. He'd expected shouting, thought it would take a lot of persuasion on not only his own part, but that of Pastor Jim and Caleb as well, to convince his Dad to give him another chance. He's stunned that his Dad is just caving so easily, so willing to let the past lie as a mistake that they'll all have learnt from.

Dean is certain that he's learnt all the lessons he needs. There's no way he's going to risk his place in his family again. He knows that there is worse out there, worse than a life spent on the road hunting monsters. Dean knows now what it's like to be out there on his own; alone with no one to care whether he lives or dies and he promises himself that he'll never do anything to jeopardize that in the future.

"So how long do you need to pack up?" John asks.

Dean can't help but lean forward into his father's warm embrace again, as he murmurs, "Not long. I didn't really bring anything much with me. I've used old stuff that we left here or stuff that the Pastor let me have."

John's hand on the back of his head is reassuring and for once Dean believes he can feel just how big his father's love for him really is. "I need you to be the best son a man could ever ask for," John says quietly and Dean doesn't hesitate to promise that he will be.

As Dean moves to stand up, John tells him to ask Caleb about his duffle bag. A sudden wave of cold fear runs through him as he thinks that perhaps his dad had been going to get rid of it. He'd been in real danger of losing everything. He decides he doesn't want to know anymore about it, doesn't want to risk reminding his father of those things he said before Dean left, but he can't stop the chilled shiver that runs down his spine at the memory, warmed only by the weight of John's hand on his neck guiding him back to the front of the house.

* * *

They have dinner with the Pastor and Caleb, but the conversation is stilted. The looks on both men's faces are grim and Sam's isn't much better. Dean can see the subtle relaxation in his Dad's expression though and right now that's all that matters. He almost wants to bounce in his place like a child at the thought of being accepted back into his family. He knows that he's going to have to make some sacrifices to his own dreams, but they're only small ones in the scheme of things.

* * *

They're climbing into the Impala later that evening, everything packed and a route already decided on to their next hunt when Jim stops beside Dean. "Dean, my door is always open for you and I am _always _here to help if you need me."

"Thank you, sir."

The Pastor smiles affectionately at the teen before him, "Are you sure this is what you really want? You don't have to make all the compromises here."

Dean smiles back as he says, "I'm not making any real compromises, Pastor Jim. I get Dad and Sammy back and I get to be with them because they're the most important things ever to me. This is what I want."

Jim steps back with a nod but Dean can read the regret in his eyes, even as he acknowledges the truth in Dean's words. "Take care of yourself, Dean Winchester," he says solemnly, "And remember that we are here to help you _all_."

Dean hurries to climb in as he hears his Dad rev the engine again and sees his fingers tapping on the steering wheel. As soon as he shuts his door, John is peeling out of the driveway for the road, Sam is snuggling back into his side and Dean lets go of the last remnant of his wish to finish school and instead reminds himself that he has everything to be thankful for just being accepted back into his place here in his family, for this is the most important thing of all.

* * *

_**Author's Notes** : Thanks for reading and to those who have left comments an extra hug. xx_


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